Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Pronunciation: \ˈre-zə-ˌlüt, -lət\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin resolutus, past participle of resolvere
Date: 1533

1 : marked by firm determination : resolved <a resolute character>
2 : bold, steady <a resolute gaze>

synonyms see faithful

In 2010, I am going to be resolute. Recently, I started doing something in my life that is shocking (to me) and freeing (to me): I have been standing up for myself. To everyone. I spent 31 years as a doormat. Being the good daughter, the sister who let her brothers walk all over her, tolerating being called names by family, and not being respected as an adult, a person or a woman. Well, in October, I turned 32 and it had to change.

PC and I had a long talk this fall about my happiness. And I realized, I am happy and I am a good person. But, I let other people take that away from me (several in particular). I'm tired of bending until I am ready to break in order to guarantee that someone will be less miserable, never mind happy. They don't bend to assist in my happiness.

I was afraid that in these 3 months I would have become a more jaded, less helpful, less cheerful person. I was afraid of losing that chatterbox-smiling-thinking-
of-others Mini that so many call friend.  I know a few things about myself: I am intelligent, creative, passionate and make good decisions.

I didn't change. I let myself be happy and I let it all go. I did. My sibling who is constantly belittling and berating me? Gone. It's his problem... not mine. His actions will simply not be permitted in my presence; either I leave or I ask him to. My sibling that assumes that since I am a woman, I have no real job and therefore can accommodate his whims on a moment's notice? Sayonara, my friend. When I didn't comply, he was forced to do it himself and didn't achieve the result he wanted. It happens and we all have to learn to deal with it.

Don't get the wrong idea, I haven't thrown my family away or even removed them from my life. I love them and I want the best for them, but I am not responsible for their happiness. This was learned behavior from my siblings... I taught them it was okay to treat me like crap, that I was not worthy of more. Well, they are old dogs about to learn new tricks.

So, in addition to the following resolutions, I am resolving to be resolute in my decisions. I am a confident woman who has been undermined for too many years. It's time to let Mini shine.

2010 Resolutions:
1. knit more stash yarn. it's a problem.
2. learn to budget better... casa de Mini y PC will be a reality in 3-4 years.
3. stick to dr's orders and take medicine, eat right... and save my own life
4. be resolute about the above paragraphs, which should reduce stress eating
5. walk more. move more. exercise more.
6. go to spin class... love spin class!
7. love PC a little bit more each day... and tell him.
8. enjoy life now, but plan for later... don't wait for the fun start!
9. be a better friend
10. say NO when I need to or even when I want to.

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