Woot. Yeah, that’s my complete level of emotion right now. I am stressed and tired and cranky and aren’t you glad PC lives with me and not you?
PC is dealing with something even more turbulent than the oh-my-god-it’s-summer Mini (summer, especially July, throws off my inner clock and I need more sleep, less “stuff” in my life and a little more space. I am very very frustrating in July): it’s mid-life crisis Mini. I’m in my chosen field, doing a nice job for good money and I am miserable. I hate walking through that door each day. Every morning, I sit for just a little bit longer in my car, with it running, wondering… what if I just didn’t. “Didn’t” what? Didn’t go in? Didn’t sit down? Didn’t log on? My chosen profession is a remarkable profession for Type A personalities (not one!) who have real focus and drive. They are married to their jobs, sacrifice relationships, families and social lives for the “goal.” Me? I run out the door at 4pm. Every.Day. I do my work as fast and as well as possible. I sit here all day, wondering what it would be like to have a job I loved. I think a huge part of it is that the mystery of my field is gone.
Some big changes have occurred around me: a friend left a similar field and went to teach. Another friend cross country did the same. Other friends and colleagues are moving up the corporate ladder and settling down with new homes and families.
Me? I’m still struggling to figure it all out. Kids? Love them. Want them. Terrified of being a horrible mom. Terrified of trying to figure out how to pay for daycare. Work? Hate it. Want to change. Love the idea of an academic schedule, but see myself with college kids, not high school level. Not sure if I want to teach… but like the idea of working with students. On top of it all? Worried about money. My current field pays well… can we really live without it? Worried about making the wrong move to the wrong profession (again).
Any ideas for someone who is:
Any and all advice considered.
Now you know why I am knitting socks. My brain just can’t handle anything else right now. ;)